A refrain from eternal optimist Del Boy Trotter in Only Fools and Horses was that “this time next year we’ll be millionaires”. It would be good to hear his thoughts on the recovery from a pandemic that continues to stretch its tentacles into every aspect of life. For this Englishman abroad it’s back to the future as California’s new indoor face mandate comes into effect and my trip to the UK for New Year is cancelled.
Just a few weeks ago, there was every chance of travelling. The plane was booked, hotels in Norwich, Manchester, London and Brighton selected, the prospect of Eleanor’s birthday, Christopher’s band at New Year and a trip to Old Trafford to watch a rejuvenated Manchester United thrash Wolves. Then a little Omicron in the works and the prospect of getting on public transport, being in dingy bars and becoming quarantined in the Holiday Inn equivalent of Wormwood Scrubs became too much.
So, in 2021, outside of a trip to Washington in June, my life will have revolved around the idyllic neighbourhood of North Park and South Park and I’d have to say there are plenty of worse places to be. The neighbourhood has survived furloughs, lockdowns, labor shortages and deep cleansing routines with remarkable vigor. A new ice cream parlour opened on the corner of Juniper and 30th just last weekend after the shop had been empty for the best part of two years.
To say it’s an ice cream parlour underplays the vibe. The ice cream is from family-owned Mutual Friend, the venue offers a café with coffee from the renowned Dark Horse Coffee Roasters as well as vegan doughnuts and liege waffles. On a busy corner of South Park with the Golden Rhino alongside and Matteo just over the road it is going to be a total success if my first encounter with it’s first night waffle cone is any guide.
Differences to the daily routines are relatively subtle but the march of time, technology and entrepreneurial zeal have shown their hand. The Whistlestop Bar has started to accept credit cards, increased their wine range and there is an excellent taco food truck on the weekends. Needless to say, I have continued to pay in cash, drink Alesmith and sit at the same table each week complaining about the young crowd these changes are attracting.
There was even the excitement of Albert Hammond Jr attending a promotional night for his newly launched “wine seltzer” called Jetway which required the outdoor drinking area to be cleared for a VIP event. While I’m not one to complain about celebrities needing their privacy I was a bit baffled to find that the guitarist and occasional backing vocalist of The Strokes had that level of stardom. Having mastered all five chords of It Never Rains in Southern California recently I was going to offer to accompany him on his Dad’s top selling tune but he lost his chance.
Even the best barbershop in the world, Thee Inglorious Blacktree Barberia, has upped its technology game with a new online booking system called Booksy. I am pleased to report that an increase in efficiency will not mean an end to being offered beer and a shot to kill some time before getting into the chair. The other big news is that a food truck stops outside TIBB on a Wednesday and Saturday night – perhaps I should suggest a buzzcut ‘n’ BBQ promotion.
The longest running saga of the pre-Christmas period has been the failure to get a treadmill delivered. Walmart had the first opportunity and the delivery van even got to park outside the house while I engaged with the driver to get him to put it, as agreed with the company, in the outhouse. I found that American delivery drivers don’t bargain and after five minutes of him furiously gesticulating while he argued with dispatch on his phone he simply drove off.
While WalMart might think that they have the financial muscle and retail nous to take on Amazon this was a real indication that they do not have doorstep delivery in their blood. Decades of having shoppers making a pilgrimage to their tedious acres of boring aisles on bland retail parks has numbed them to what individual service looks like. The promises of a new delivery date were given but never matched by action and after another two weeks the order was cancelled.
Next up was BestBuy which has a decent reputation but is turning out neither to be Best or to offer any certainty that we can Buy. A delivery man phoned to ask if he could come earlier in the day than expected and I agreed only to find that 12 hours passed without him coming and the dispatch team not even knowing where he was. A second attempt found Felix promising action without any follow through and here we are two weeks later wondering if this is another bust.
What I have to believe is that somewhere in a WalMart warehouse and then in a BestBuy warehouse there has been/is an expensive, 300lb treadmill with my address on it. There is no supply chain crisis where the parts are scattered around the world because a man turned up outside my house and was ready to deliver it if he’d been given the right instructions. The purpose of logistics firms is to pick, load and deliver these items on a basis that is routine to the point of boredom and Amazon has got it right while others are failing.
Somebody who has delivered is my friend and erstwhile PR entrepreneur Tony Tighe with a book of his life and career called “30 Years of Bull****”. It’s a romp through his starting point on the family’s Liverpool market, through early days in Benidorm and on to a career in beer sales and marketing before starting Greenwood Tighe PR. We worked together during the heady days of ASDA store openings during the 1980s where budgets were lavish and hangovers a certainty.
For several years the level of invention and B list stars became increasingly surreal. A world record breaking haggis for the opening in Corby, crooner Frankie Vaughan kicking down a green door in Stockport, Anneka Rice in a helicopter as part of the treasure trail for Hunt’s Cross and the extraordinary ‘wrapping’ of ASDA’s “present” to London at Colindale. It was splashy and showy and was part of defining a brand that challenged the establishment hierarchy of Sainsbury and Tesco.
When I returned to ASDA in the 1990s I had already been told that “the roundheads have taken over from the cavaliers” and the store opening budget was about 10% of its previous high. We’d have the oldest and youngest members of staff cutting the ribbon or run a competition for a deserving local family to have a trolley dash for the opening. The local coverage was decent but it wasn’t quite the same as bringing the motorway to a standstill and being on national news with store bound traffic as we had done in the glory days.
What had been carried forward from the 1980s was a contrarian, disruptive attitude to challenge the corporate smoothness and complacency of the two dominant southern based retail behemoths which saw us overtake Sainsbury on market share. Tony had moved on to other things but I was fortunate to find new creative geniuses and allies at Lynne Franks PR to dominate tabloid and TV coverage and capture the imagination of “ordinary working people and their families”. Having seen Mr Tighe write his book at the age of 70 I am pondering whether I should set about offering my own tales from a career in PR.